Books

No amount of education prepares you for the moment when
you’re told that your loved family member has had a stroke. Or
for the moment when medical authorities tell you to prepare
for the worst, and it seems like you are absolutely without
any power, without volition. Fate is in the driving seat. What
should a family do? Accept uncertainty or get involved?

As phones ring, the news of my admission spreads in my family. Shocked, they make their way towards the hospital. Unlike me, they know this isn’t just another dizzy spell, but it’s too early to know how serious it is. My family contains educated, articulate people. Some of them also have medical training, but faced with this situation they are just like any other family; caught off guard, they’re launched into a world they are not prepared for and have little real idea about. They are stunned by the extent to which this proves to be the case. It now becomes their story, at least for the next few weeks and months.

I’ve pieced it together from what they have told me since, from their memories and emails they sent to each other in that time. When my memories do intrude, they are often nightmarish, with only a slim connection to reality. But to me, that was reality. I’ve never felt so sure about reality since.
What they have to say makes me uneasy, even after all this time. They suffered, and I suffer for what they went through, for the anguish that I can’t help feeling responsible for. Part of my recovery will be coming to terms with this, and part of their recovery will be assimilating what happened and adjusting.